A conversation with the MIL
2004-07-07 @ 3:30 p.m.

One thing that can be learned when working in the health care industry is that when people don't understand the name of a medical term given them, they assume it's cancer.

And a second thing I've learned is that people will never remember the name of a condition they are diagnosed with but they always remember what a doctor did to test for it.

This all was very beneficial when I went to visit Daygan's mother on Saturday with him. She has been saying for the last week that the doctor has to do some tests and they are looking for something and it might be cancer. Daygan has been unreasonably stressed. I say unreasonably because I know this family tends to take things and blow them out of proportion, stress out to the point of stopping functioning, and then take it all back once they understand the situation.

So here we are in the MIL's kitchen, and she's telling Daygan she has to go in for some tests Monday so she's not allowed to eat or drink or anything. Now I know she's had stomach problems. Daygan asks what they say she has.

MIL: Well, they saw some spots, so they're going to look for ulcers or something else.

Daygan: What's something else?

MIL: Well, i don't know. Some sort of growth. I don't know.

Daygan: Why do you think it's cancer?

MIL: Well, i don't remember what they said. They said some word. I don't know. It could be cancer.

(This is the woman who heard her mother had some colon polyps and was sure her mother had advanced colon cancer and wouldn't make it until christmas.)

Me: So, they're looking for ulcers or something else? What did they say you might have?

MIL: I don't know.

Me: It has to do with your stomach, right?

MIL: Well, yeah, I guess. Something with a G.

Me: Do you wake up with heartburn?

MIL: Yeah, sometimes.

(I put on my insurance underwriting sleuth hat)

Me: Did they make you swallow barium?

MIL: (more excited) Yes!

Me: Did they say GERD?

MIL: Yeah, I heard that word.

Me: They're looking for a hiatal hernia.

MIL: Yeah... that's what they said. Is that cancer?

Me: No... it's just a worn out spot in your esophagus that causes heartburn.

MIL: They say I should wear loose fitting clothes. They're doing an endo... endo...

Me: Endoscopy?

MIL: Yeah, what's that?

Me: They'll probably knock you out and then use a tube to look at your digestive system. But, yes, wear loose fitting clothes because they'll bloat your belly so they can see better.

MIL: How do you know that?

Me: Well, I read about it because someday I may have to have a laproscopy which is similar.

MIL: Why do you need that?

(Oops. We love telling our MIL about our reproductive disorders. I began bracing myself for what I thought were inevitable questions: "Is it cancer?" "Is it sexually transmitted?")

Me: Um, they think I might have endometriosis.

(At this point, even Daygan starts looking embarrassed.)

MIL pauses, thinking. I squirm. And then she says the unexpected.

MIL: I think I had that. Is that where you get sick during your period and it hurts?

Me: (getting over shock) yeah.

MIL: They told me to have babies and it would get better.

Me: Yeah, that's what they did back in the 70s.

MIL: But after I had the babies it just came back and I had to have a hysterectomy.

Me: Yeah, that's what often happens...

(The MIL and I now are sitting down at the table deeply engrossed in conversation. Partly because she didn't understand what it was that was happening at the time and I had done the research to explain, but I didn't understand the experience itself and she did.)

It ended up being a nice conversation after all. Good because now the MIL knew she didn't have cancer. Oy. And good because now I had someone I can ask questions to some extent.

robin || goodfellow